I read on a woman's profile a few weeks ago that she's offended by online dating because she finds it to be like online shopping: everyone's just looking for the next best deal.
After having done 21st century dating (online and speed) in addition to 20th century dating, I've come up with some thoughts of my own (I am a (non-practicing) attorney, so discussing is in my nature) that I thought I'd share.
Online dating is the personal analog of the professional online job hunt. You hunt around, looking for a post for which you think you can succeed. You want the right attributes, you want compatibility, and you need the sense that it's a job you have a shot at getting. Sometimes you apply for jobs that are beyond your skill set, but hey, what the hell, it's just another email. Every once in a while, you find that posting that makes you think, "Wow, I'm perfect for this job!" and you happily send off your materials, only to hear nothing. The frustration over that pattern leads to a certain cynicism about what people are posting: is anyone for real? Does anyone actually want what they say they do?
The faceless internet doesn't do much to help you figure that out. People can say whatever they like and get away with it; there's no one to keep them honest. Maybe the grass-is-greener phenomenon / online shopping experience is due to the skepticism that anyone really is who s/he says s/he is. Most people are not good at investing in their relationships in the first place; it's probably even harder for them when they have a healthy dose of salt mixed in.
Generally, I think online dating leaves me wanting more because of inherent qualities in me rather than in the qualities or behaviors of others. I take people at face value; I am honest (sometimes too much so (see: this post)) and expect that others are too, even though I should probably know better by now. I'm naive, but I'd rather be naive than jaded. When something is right, it's just right; I don't need to date 3 other people at the same time to figure that out. When I date you, I date you in good faith that this will either work out or it won't, but it won't be because you were unknowingly participating in a contest with someone you've never met.
I am probably too easily invested. I get excited about sharing myself if I like you, because people I really like don't come along every day. If I want to spend time with you, it's because I think there's chemistry; if there isn't, I don't need a string of dates to figure that out. If I want to see you, I also don't want to wait a week or two to see you again. Just because the flame burns brightly at the beginning doesn't mean that there won't be a steady flame after the initial part of the relationship.
Ok, so maybe I should have titled this "online dating theory for dating me" or something like that. I just assumed that was implied. :-D
