Scary porn

I can't say that I watch porn. Well, ok, but not a lot. I have one porn DVD to my name and one VHS tape that has 20 minutes of porn on it from years ago, something I taped when I was in junior high school. I got the DVD at a computer show...buy 3 for $20, so my friend and I split it. I took 2 DVDs, he took the other, 6 months later we switched. It's not good porn, obviously, but it's ok cheap porn. Just hacked together sex scenes from other porn movies that may or may not have incorporated more of a plot.

Even without watching much porn (or maybe because I don't), there are things that scare me about it.

For example, on one of the DVDs that we bought, there are two girls who are both on the VHS tape that I have from long ago, doing the um, same sorts of things. How scary is it to recognize people from porn? Along those same lines, at least two of the DVDs have different scenes with the same actors. How scary is it to recognize a porn actor, before seeing his face, by seeing his cock? Or even recognizing his method of jerking off onto the chick's boobs at the end of the scene.

I also hate it when they do just completely out of context things in these movies. Some chick shows up in a skirt, not wearing panties, but wearing rollerblades, and you want to take her rollerblades off and start licking and sucking on her feet? Ugh. Dude, you're nasty, she's nasty, just fuck her already. I'm not here to watch you put up some pretense of having something more than dirty sex with this chick. 5 minutes from now, you're going to be fucking her ass, I think we can skip the foot licking.

Then, the other day, while watching the DVD, I realized that the sheets on the bed in the movie are extremely similar to sheets that I own. Not entirely identical, or at least, if they are, the sheets in the video had faded quite a bit. You know you've gotten bad sheets if you see them in a porno film. Ugly paisley, that's what they are. Guidelines for life: don't buy carpet that you'd see in a hotel, don't buy a comforter you'd see in a hotel, don't buy sheets you'd see in a porno.

The great irony of the sheets, though: my mom bought them.